Project Backstreet

There are hidden encoded messages in Backstreet Boys recordings. “Backstreet” is the new form of back-masking, putting evil in music so that it infects stupid minds. Music is for brains not ears but Backstreet’s Back, alright?

It is the conflation of rhythm and melody that encodes the music. 4/4 is 3/4 when run through a prime number matrix. BUT in 6/8 the problem becomes two-fold: Nick Carter is Aaron Carter’s brother and Carter was president. Ford was president before Carter and Ford wrote The International Jew. David Geffen runs the Shadow Freemasons.

But the Backstreet Boys are not human. Lizards made them flesh but they are made from parts from Sony VCR’s. (“Sony” is “Ynos”–or “winos”–spelt backwards. The French winemakers are in on it.) Justin Timberlake was sent from the parabolic future to destroy them but they were too powerful and sent Britney crazy.

DO NOT BELIEVE THEIR LIES!

I have secretly infiltrated the Backstreet Boys fantasy fanfic group on Yahoo! and will be conducting covert operations starting tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Six inches of heaven

So the planned (anatomically-correct) “My Sweet Lord” (or as I like to call it, “ChocoChrist”) exhibit caused a bit of a stir, eliciting the following:

But word of the confectionary Christ infuriated Catholics, including Egan, who described it as “a sickening display.” Bill Donohue, head of the watchdog Catholic League, said it was “one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever.”

Donohue is obviously not a fan of understatement.

That said, I think the idea of iconfectionery has great potential: who could resist a chocolate head of John the Baptist, complete with creme filling, or a mudcake topped with a marzipan depiction of a Christian being mauled by a lion?

In short, there are more offensive things in this world than a chocolate Jesus. Unless it’s the fact that it makes him look black…

Diplomacy By Any Other Means

On a lighter note, Robert Mugabe demonstrates how he greets female Western diplomats.