Haneef: “sorry mate, about the incarceration and international slander..”

“INDIAN doctor Mohamed Haneef has been released after a terror charge against him was dropped, with the Commonwealth prosecutor admitting a mistake was made. “

Like many Australians I’ve been following this saga of the doctor, the sim card, the cousins, and the conveniently arriving baby. With what now seems to be an astonishing bit of wide-eyed trust on my part I have been thinking that surely Govco and all its secret agencies must know something.. something Very Big that we the plebs do not. Otherwise why would they keep this man incarcerated for 25 days? The sim card arrest was obviously a legal hat trick in order to extract more truth from the prisoner and the thousands of pages of documentation seized from his computer.

Apparently no more truth is forthcoming. The doctor can not be charged with having relatives connected to the UK bombing. He has already been punished enough for leaving his sim card in their flat. I wonder if the grocer the bombers shopped at who gave them a discount on buying bananas with brown bits will also be charged with offering financial aid to terrorists.

It is impossible to know from this side of the digital curtain how much of this scrupulousness was pursued to save face once the juicy stuff wasn’t immediately revealed. Had a terrorist connection been found the AFP’s fine tooth comb would have been a gilded wonder rather than the rake that hits the doofus in the forehead when he steps on it. It will be interesting to see what if any this mistake has on future arrests and investigations.

Mohamed Haneef can be thankful his fate was kinder than that of Jean Charles de Menesez, collateral damage in the war on terrorism.

 

Pope to Protestants: You phonies suck!

I reckon peace and harmony are overrated — frankly, they make life less fun.

Luckily, Pope “Palpatine” Benedict XVI agrees, sending a July “Fuck you!” message to Protestants, with a gentle finger-wag at the Orthodox Church for good measure:

PROTESTANT churches have reacted with dismay to a new declaration approved by the Pope insisting they were mere “ecclesial communities” and their ministers in effect phonies with no right to give communion.

Coming just days after the reinstatement of the Latin Mass, Tuesday’s document left no doubt about the Pope’s eagerness to back traditional Catholic practices and attitudes, even at the expense of causing offence.

[...]

The Vatican’s statement had fewer misgivings about the Orthodox Church, which had “true sacraments” and a genuine priesthood. But its failure to acknowledge the Pope’s authority meant it suffered from a “defectus”, politely translated from Latin as “a wound”.

That’s right, Joey Ratz has turned into Eric Cartman: “Respect my authoritah!”

Of course, the underlying thoughts behind these statements aren’t particularly surprising, but it’s somewhat shocking to see them stated so plainly. Pope John Paul II, conservative though he was, at least made efforts to heal old wounds, rather than rubbing salt into them.

The real question here is why any Christian who doesn’t already recognise the Pope’s authority will give a shit as to what he has to say about them. This really is a case of “preaching to the choir”.

Show Un-Cancelled by Nuts!

The TV show Jericho that got put on hiatus by CBS earlier this year has just been re-signed for another seven episodes.

This is a quote from tv.com as to the plot outline of Jericho:

“After a nuclear disaster caused by several terrorist attacks destroys most of America, residents of a small Kansas town must come to terms with a new and very different reality.”

So you are probably asking yourself “Un-Cancelled by Nuts” what is this crazy cracker on about?! Well I’ll stop you right there… have you heard that over 20,000 tons of nuts have been sent to CBS? NO?! Well I guess you feel fairly ridiculous now don’t you?!

/end rant

Anyway back on track… There was a story during Jericho in which a letter was sent to someone to strongly object to something and the only thing written was “NUTS” implying of course that the person was totally crazy.

So after ton after ton of nuts arrived at CBS and many letters of objection also arrived after letter of objection to the show being canned CBS decided to give Jericho another go!

Below is the letter to fans and others from CBS regarding the “Un-Cancelling”:

To the Fans of Jericho:

Wow!

Over the past few weeks you have put forth an impressive and probably unprecedented display of passion in support of a prime time television series. You got our attention; your emails and collective voice have been heard.

As a result, CBS has ordered seven episodes of “Jericho” for mid-season next year. In success, there is the potential for more. But, for there to be more “Jericho,” we will need more viewers.

A loyal and passionate community has clearly formed around the show. But that community needs to grow. It needs to grow on the CBS Television Network, as well as on the many digital platforms where we make the show available.

We will count on you to rally around the show, to recruit new viewers with the same grass-roots energy, intensity and volume you have displayed in recent weeks.

We will count on you to rally around the show, to recruit new viewers with the same grass-roots energy, intensity and volume you have displayed in recent weeks.

At this time, I cannot tell you the specific date or time period that “Jericho” will return to our schedule. However, in the interim, we are working on several initiatives to help introduce the show to new audiences.

This includes re-broadcasting “Jericho” on CBS this summer, streaming episodes and clips from these episodes across the CBS Audience Network (online), releasing the first season DVD on September 25 and continuing the story of Jericho in the digital world until the new episodes return. We will let you know specifics when we have them so you can pass them on.

On behalf of everyone at CBS, thank you for expressing your support of “Jericho” in such an extraordinary manner. Your protest was creative, sustained and very thoughtful and respectful in tone. You made a difference.

Sincerely,

Nina Tassler
President, CBS Entertainment

P.S. Please stop sending us nuts

Spice Girls to reunite

Today — a day some are already calling “the 9/11 of the music world” — the Spice Girls are expected to announce a reunion tour.

Because the world has been desperate for a Spice Girls reunion. DVD sales of Spice World more than established that.

The question, however, is what will happen to Bastard Spice, Scary Spice’s illegitimate daughter to Eddie Murphy? Maybe she can hang-out on the set of her dad’s latest godawful cinematic offering.

(What was I saying about pabulum again?)

Kate Miller-Heidke: Little Eve

Kate Miller-Heidke’s debut LP, Little Eve, is exciting not because she’s a breath of fresh air amongst young Australian female singer-songwriters — she’s far too good to be boxed-in by such a label. Miller-Heidke’s strengths transcend geographical or gender-based categorisation: here is an artist who can fairly stand alongside her international contemporaries, both male and female, and not come up short. Indeed, she’s someone to get excited about because there’s an intelligence and quirkiness present that make her stand out amongst a sea of homogeneous pabulum.

Although Milller-Heidke has released several EP’s independently (and one EP with her new label, Sony BMG), Little Eve is the release that has announced her as a force to be reckoned with: a 45-minute long player with a major label behind it. And Sony BMG are clearly putting a lot of effort into her promotion, with Sunrise, for example, spotlighting her on at least two separate occasions.

The album itself is somehow thrilling yet reassuring at the same time. It’s easy to spot the singles — “Words” has already seen a single release, and “Mama” and “Little Adam” would be on my shortlist for future candidates — but tracks that may not leap out immediately begin to reveal themselves on subsequent listens. “Shoebox” and the lyrically playful “Ducks Don’t Need Satellites” have enough kick under the surface to stay with you and make you take notice the next time around.

The bonus CD on the special edition features a remix of “Apartments” (from her Circular Breathing EP), a cover of Joni Mitchell’s “River” and a live acoustic cut of “Ducks Don’t Need Satellites”. But the highlight is a truly inspired live cover of Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer”, with Miller-Heidke displaying her operatic vocal training in a tour de force of sheer eccentricity.

It would be a shame if Kate Miller-Heidke became yet another one hit wonder. She’s far too talented for such a fate, but it’s always a danger when an artist bursts onto the scene with such hype. Kate Bush survived “Wuthering Heights”, so why can’t Miller-Heidke survive “Words”? Little Eve has alerted the public to this new talent, but it will be the next LP that will be the real test. And for that we’ll just have to be patient.

Highly recommended.

A Current Australian Affair

Studies show that the Australian news media is 54% more likely to report medical studies linking the moderate consumption of alcohol to improved cardiovascular health than the news media of the United States or Canada. In the case of the moderate consumption of red wine boosting the antioxidant level in the bloodstream Australia is 23% more likely to report this in the news media than the United States or Canada. The lower rate may in part be a result of the antioxidant connection with the moderate consumption of red wine being a relatively new development in the study of the health benefits of alcohol. If the pattern followed by the news media in these three countries in regards to improved cardiovascular health and the moderate consumption of alcohol holds true for the antioxidant connection then once this becomes an accepted factlet in society at large reporting of subsequent studies will decrease in the United States and Canada while still being reported as breaking news in Australia. Projected outcomes suggest that in 10 years Australia will be 60% more likely to report that moderate consumption of red wine boosts antioxidant levels than the United States or Canada and 83% more likely to report the link between moderate consumption of alcohol and improved cardiovascular health.

Everybody sing and sway.. “I am, you are, we are Austraaaaaaaaalia..”

~

 

Project Backstreet: Operation Layla

So I ended up writing a completely different version of Chapter 5 for my Backstreet Boys fanfic — one that included references to quantum mechanics, Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd and The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway by Genesis. But I wasn’t happy with it. It just wasn’t edgy enough!

So I went back to the original Chapter 5 — the dark, disturbing Chapter 5 — and finished it. It is this version that I have posted to the Backstreet Boys Fantasy Fanfics group and which you will find reproduced below. (I may end up recycling the alternate Chapter 5 later on.)

WARNING: This chapter is just really sick. Yes, it’s sicker than even Chapter 2. You have been warned…

Project Backstreet update

Folks, I’m torn.

I’ve started writing the next chapter in my Backstreet Boys fanfic, and it’s disturbing even me.

On the one hand, the point all along has been to make each chapter increasingly bizarre, surreal and disturbing, but on the other hand, I think I need to pull back a little bit. Gotta give the fans something that’s worth the wait.

So, instead, here’s a link to the Manifesto of Surrealism by Andre Breton: lemonade fury.

The man with the golden gun

Saddam Hussein’s golden Tabuk rifle has inspired me…

He had no WMD’s
Desert Storm cost him the lot
A dictator second to none
The man with the golden gun

He hid in a farmhouse in Tikrit
Evading his capture for months
But soon his plans and schemes came undone
The man with the golden gun

The Ba’athists adored him, Iranians scorned him
He bested them with Rumsfeld loyal
But Kuwait got greedy, America needy
They wanted a source for oil

Once he was captured he met with swift justice
His half-brother soon lost his head
But Saddam had nowhere to run
The man with the golden gun

Easy to see was his fate to be
Whither Iraq?
We shall see. Oh yeah!

The Ba’athists adored him, Iranians scorned him
He bested them with Rumsfeld loyal
But Kuwait got greedy, America needy
They wanted a source for oil

Once he was captured he met with swift justice
His half-brother soon lost his head
But Saddam had nowhere to run
The man with the golden gun
His schemes came undone
But he had some fun
With his golden gun

Stephen’s Secret Key to the Juvenile Reader Market

Stephen Hawking, the famous physicist and Simpsons guest star, has written a children’s novel with his daughter, Lucy Hawking. The book, entitled George’s Secret Key to the Universe, is (coincidentally) about “a boy named George who befriends a scientist and the scientist’s daughter.”

Here’s a sneak-peek at this exciting release:

George approached the large table with some trepidation. “Can I sit down here?” he enquired with a twitch of his nose.

“Yes, you can,” said the Scientist as he poured himself more tea. “The question is, may you?”

“In that case then,” restated George, “may I sit down here?”

“No room!” shouted the Scientist’s daughter.

“Nonsense,” said George. “There’s at least ten places set and you’re the only two sitting here!”

“Have some wine,” said the Scientist’s daughter, shaking a teacup at George.

“Why is the age of the universe finite if it has no single starting point?” asked the Scientist.

George surveyed the table, looking for the wine — any wine — but could find none.

“Imaginary time!” cried the Scientist’s daughter.

“I beg your pardon,” said George, “but I’m afraid none of this makes any sense.”

“Have a seat,” said the Scientist in between sips from his teacup. “Imaginary time is the time you have when you have no time. All in the head, you see. Why, I just had a holiday in Bermuda in between these two sentences, and a lovely 2i weeks it was, too.”