Nice Guys are Jerks

August 4, 2007

There are guys out there in the dating/singles scene who are Jerks: total arseholes who are abusive and treat women badly. They don’t understand women and don’t particularly like them, either.

Then there are the Nice Guys: these types are all about empathising with women, sympathising with women and enjoying their company.

Nice Guys can’t stand Jerks. Whenever a Nice Guy turns around, there’s another smart, funny, attractive woman going out with a Jerk, yet she looked past the Nice Guy who was right under her nose! Women say to Nice Guys, “All the nice guys are taken!” and the Nice Guys think to themselves, What about me? Am I invisible?

But here’s the ironic twist: Nice Guys, deep down, really aren’t that nice. Inside, Nice Guys are Jerks, and if you scratch the bland, passive surface of a Nice Guy, you’ll find a reserve of seething anger, resentment and bitterness bubbling away underneath.

There’s a subtle kind of arrogance to the Nice Guy’s character. He’s so convinced that if a woman would just give him a chance, she’d see that he is really the perfect man for her. He’ll worship her — treat her like the Goddess she is — and, well, attraction on her end will naturally follow.

But damnit, these women can’t see how good the Nice Guy is! The Nice Guy believes that women just don’t know what’s good for them. (You’ll often hear Nice Guys say things that spell these sentiments out explicitly. And yes, they self-identify as “nice guys”, too.) Nice Guys are narcissists.

And so the Nice Guys blame the women for not wanting to be with them, and the resentment grows. Not surprisingly, this rather toxic attitude that they carry around with them is a bit of a turnoff, so the rejections continue.

Meanwhile, as much as Nice Guys think they’re relating to women, they’re really doing anything but. No woman is a Goddess — she’s a human being, and most women are smart enough to realise that the only thing such guys are in love with is an idealised image of their own creation.

So I’ll say it again: Nice Guys are Jerks. They don’t understand women and don’t particularly like them, either.

Don’t be a Nice Guy.